


Kinda Perfect

by Smokedcapybara



Series: (Apprentice) Park Ranger Handsome [12]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 21:38:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17609468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smokedcapybara/pseuds/Smokedcapybara
Summary: “My therapist wants me to write letters to myself.”Connor looked up from his book as Hansen flopped onto the ground in front of their log with a frustrated sigh.





	Kinda Perfect

“My therapist wants me to write _letters to myself.”_

Connor looked up from his book as Hansen flopped onto the ground in front of their log with a frustrated sigh.

“What?”

“Yeah, like ‘Dear Evan Hansen, today’s going to be a good day and here’s why…’, it’s supposed to help me be more positive or something.” he threw his arms out to his sides and tilted his head back, eyes closed. “I hate it already.”

Connor chuckled. “It does sound a little weird. But who knows? Maybe it actually will help.”

Hansen shot him a glare. The effect was ruined when it morphed into a pout after just a second. “I doubt it.”

“At least give it a chance.”

Hansen huffed and crossed his arms, his pout deepening. “Fine.”

“You’re adorable.”

“You take that back!”

“Hmm… no.” Connor smirked down at Hansen.

“Jerk.”

“Nervous wreck.” Connor retorted.

“Emo stoner.” A smile spread across Hansen’s face.

“Treehugger.”

Hansen cackled. “That’s the best you can come up with?”

“Well since you didn’t come up with a counter I clearly win. So, obviously, it _is_ the best.” As he spoke, Connor slid off the log to sit next to Hansen.

They both sputtered into laughter, Hansen first and Connor following a moment later.

They leaned into each other as they caught their breaths and slowly wound down, letting a peaceful silence settle over them for a few minutes.

“So how’s therapy going for you?” Hansen looked up at him. A patch of light hitting him at just the right angle made his eyes shine copper. It was breathtaking.

It took Connor an embarrassing length of time to remember he’d been asked a question. “Um… ok, I guess.” He smirked as a thought came to him. “I mean, I don’t have to write weird letters to myself so that’s a plus.”

Hansen snorted. “I could’ve sworn you said to give the letters a chance just a minute ago.”

“Well yeah.” Connor shrugged flippantly. “Doesn’t mean I can’t be glad I don’t have to do them.”

“Nonono. If I have to give the letters a chance… then so do you!”

“What?”

“Yeah, I’m only writing letters to myself if _you_ write letters to _your_ self.”

“No way.”

“Yes way.”

“Han _sen.”_ Connor was not too proud to admit he was whining.

“I’m not gonna change my mind.”

Connor sighed dramatically. “ _Fine_.”

Hansen beamed at him. Connor found himself getting lost in how his face seemed to glow. It was becoming a regular occurance, he’d pretty much given up on trying to stop it from happening or worrying about consequences.

To be honest, he was pretty sure everything would be easier if Hansen could just figure out that Connor was in love with him without Connor actually having to say anything. Unfortunately he’d had to go and fall for someone totally oblivious. Hansen hadn’t even noticed how often Connor would replace his name with ‘handsome’.

Of course, Connor was still absolutely terrified. He didn’t even know if Hansen was attracted to guys.

He should probably figure that out sooner or later.

“Hey, random question - what, um, what’s your sexuality?” Connor cringed internally at his own bluntness.

Well. No time like the present, right?

Hansen was staring at him and Connor wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground and just forget everything ever.

“Oh. Um, I’m… bi? I think?” Hansen was fidgeting. “That’s not a problem is it? I mean-”

“No! Nonono, definitely not a problem.” Connor rushed to reassure him. “I’m very gay so like. Seriously not a problem. At all. Ever. The opposite in fact. Whatever the opposite of a problem is. Awesome. Great. Shut me up now please.” He buried his face in his hands, blushing furiously.

Hansen laughed lightly and settled back into his side. “Awesome. Great.”

Something somewhere between a snort and a choking cough forced itself out of Connor. “Shut up.” He said petulantly.

“Never.” Hansen smirked. “At all. Ever.”

“Please. Stop.”

He was pleading now. Pathetically. But it made Hansen laugh adorably so it was worth the embarrassment.

But hey, mission accomplished. He now knew Hansen was Not Straight. So, technically, he totally had a chance. Right.

He was very much done with scary conversations for the day though so he was just gonna shelve the confession for another day. Again. How many days had he stalled at this point? It’d been at least a week.

He _would_ do it. Eventually. Just not today.

“So school starts soon.”

Connor groaned. “Don’t remind me.”

“Not looking forward to it?” Hansen smiled the little satisfied half-smile he always had when he was successfully sarcastic.

Connor bumped the side of his head into Hansen’s. He figured there was no need for a verbal response.

“Come on. What’s not to love?” Hansen shoved Connor with his shoulder. “Waking up stupidly early? Being packed in a crappy building with a few hundred other teenagers? Inedible lunches? Teachers that hate kids? Mountains of homework?”

Connor giggled. “Yeah-no you’re right, school is perfect and I can’t wait to go back.”

They laughed together for a bit before Hansen sighed sadly.

“I don’t want summer to end.”

Connor flung his arms around his friend and pulled him halfway into his lap.

“Neither do I.”

Eyes impossibly soft, Hansen gazed up at Connor like he was worth the world. Connor’s heart skipped a beat then began racing. Half his brain was screaming at him to lean down and kiss him.

Hansen licked his lips, drawing the rest of Connor’s attention to his mouth, and spoke quietly.

“I’m scared that when school starts up we won’t spend any time together anymore. I don’t want to lose this.”

Connor felt something break inside him at the words and his control started to crumble. His face was inches away from Hansen’s by the time he registered that he was moving. His pounding heart drowned out the sounds of the forest around them. He could feel Hansen’s breath on his face. His whole world had narrowed down to the boy in his arms.

Not that _that_ was much different from every other moment he’d spent in Hansen’s presence for the past couple months.

His nose was brushing Hansen’s face when he managed to regain some control. He forced himself off course slightly to kiss Hansen’s cheek instead. It was a gentle and soft kiss and he held himself there for a moment before pulling back to give Hansen a smile just as gentle and soft.

“I worry about that too,” he said carefully, “but it’s not gonna happen. You made me a promise handsome. Remember?”

Hansen smiled back up at him and it was a little bit, kinda, _perfect._


End file.
